Champagne Problems Critique – The Streaming Giant’s Newest Holiday Romcom Misses the Sparkle.

At the risk of sound like the Grinch, it’s hard not to bemoan the premature arrival of Christmas movies before Thanksgiving. While temperatures drop, it feels too soon to completely immerse in Netflix’s yearly buffet of low-cost festive entertainment.

Similar to American chocolates which don’t include real chocolate, the service’s Christmas films are relied upon for their brand of mediocrity. They provide rote familiarity – nostalgic casting, modest spending, fake snow, and absurd premises. In the worst cases, these movies are unmemorable disasters; at best, they are lighthearted distractions.

The new Netflix film, the latest holiday offering, disappears into the vast middle of unremarkable territory. Directed by Mark Steven Johnson, whose previous romantic comedy was utterly forgettable, this film feels like cheap bubbly – appropriately flat and situational.

It begins with what appears to be an AI-generated ad for supermarket sparkling wine. This commercial is actually the proposal of the main character, played by the actress, to her colleagues at a financial firm. The protagonist is the stereotypical image of a professional female – overlooked, phone-obsessed, and ambitious to the detriment of her private world. When her boss dispatches her to France to close a deal over the holidays, her sister insists she take one night in the city to enjoy life.

Naturally, the French capital is the ideal location to pull someone from digital navigation, despite the city is draped with below-grade CGI snow. In an absurdly cutesy bookshop, Sydney meet-cutes with Henri Cassell, who pulls her away from her phone. Following rom-com conventions, Sydney initially resists this perfect man for silly reasons.

Equally as expected are the movie mechanics that proceed at abrupt quarter turns, mirroring the turning of aging champagne bottles in the vaults of the family vineyard. The twist? Henri is the heir to the estate, hesitant to run it and bitter toward his dad for selling it. In perhaps the film’s most salient contribution to the genre, he is extremely judgmental of corporate buyouts. The problem? The heroine truly thinks she’s not stripping this family-owned company for profit, vying against three caricatures: a stern Frenchwoman, a rigid German, and a delusional gay billionaire.

The development? Sydney’s skeevy coworker Ryan appears without warning. The core? Henri and Sydney gaze longingly at each other in holiday pajamas, despite a huge divide in financial perspective.

The gift and the curse is that none of this lingers beyond a short-lived thrill on an unfilled belly. There’s a lack of substantial content – Minka Kelly, still best known for her role in the TV series, delivers a merely adequate portrayal, all sweet surfaces and acts of kindness, almost motherly than love interest material. The male star provides just the right amount of Gallic appeal with light inner conflict and little else. The tricks are not amusing, the love story is harmless, and the ending is straightforward.

Despite its philosophizing on the exclusivity of sparkling wine, no one is pretending it is anything other than a mass market item. The flaws are the very reasons some enjoy it. It’s fair to say a critic’s feelings about it a minor issue.

• Champagne Problems is now available on Netflix.